Let me paint you a picture: It’s Friday night. My phone isn’t buzzing, my DMs are dry, and I’m wearing an outfit that screams “I tried… but also, I slay.” The restaurant host asks, “Will someone be joining you?” and I smile sweetly and say, “Nope—it’s just me and my sparkling personality.”
Welcome to the wonderful world of solo dating—where the vibes are high, the standards are higher, and the only red flag is the one I’m waving at past versions of myself who waited for someone else to bring the romance.
I AM THE ROMANCE!!!
What Exactly Is Solo Dating?
It’s not sad. It’s not weird. It’s literally about to reveal so much about yourself Sis.
Solo dating is the radical, poetic act of taking yourself out with the love and drama of a Issa Rae from Insecure heroine and the unapologetic flair of Rihanna. You get dressed up, take yourself out, and say, “I am the whole damn package, and I brought the snacks.”
Why Date Yourself?
Because waiting for someone else to validate you is so last season. We are not doing that anymore. We are evolving and shedding…shedding old ways of thinking, and shedding away at a version of ourselves that didn’t think we were capable of living as freely as we want.
We are not, and I repeat, WE ARE NOT letting life continue to pass us by and miss out on experiences simply because we are in certain seasons of our lives.
And for other obvious reasons as to why you should date yourself, let’s be honest: no one critiques your choice of “ YES, I actually would like dessert,” when you’re dating yourself.
So two crème brûlées? Absolutely.
Last year, I took my first solo trip and the vibe was immaculate. So ever since then I made a vow to myself that I would at least do a monthly solo date (since I can’t do monthly trips) and I haven’t missed a beat yet. It’s literally so eye opening to things that you may have not been focused on about yourself. Going through my healing journey and solo dating while doing so has been a huge blessing to me. I get to create what this experience for myself looks and feels like.
Solo dating reminds you that:
You are not a backup plan—you’re the main event. Your standards should be higher than your heels. You deserve soft lighting, good food, and compliments—even if they’re from your own inner hype squad.
But on a few occasions when I happen to engage in conversations with women and I get to share what I’m doing for myself, they are literally so impressed. I remember my last conversation with a female Uber driver and she said she was so inspired by me. She went on to vent about how her most recent dates with guys always seem to end up with them having certain “ expectations” of her just because they had dinner!! Well she expressed she was fed up with dating and while I will never try to discourage someone from experiencing dating and finding the love with another person that they deserve, I asked her so what are you waiting on to take yourself out?
She was quiet…and she said “ I don’t know what I’m waiting on.”
THIS is the moment that I hope she realized she didn’t have to…
How to Woo Your Fine Self
Need some solo date ideas? I got you…
I mentioned earlier that I have been doing monthly dates, so for my last month date I went to a Sunday brunch event at a local chain restaurant and the cool thing about it was that they create the dining space to be more of a social gathering so the chances of having conversations with new people is very likely and I have even met a few ladies over time in doing these and we actually linked up again for similar events. But here’s a few more to take into consideration:
The “I Deserve Nice Things” Dinner: Book that fancy table. Order the wine. Take pics of your food like it’s a lifestyle shoot—because it is.
The “Main Character Energy” Movie Night: Go to the theater. Laugh loudly. Cry beautifully. Imagine the soundtrack playing just for you.
The “Museum of Me” Tour: Wander through art like you’re cultured (because you are), and dramatically ponder your life in front of a sculpture. (You know exactly how they do it in the movies, don’t even act like you don’t lol)
The “Spa But Make It Solo” Soak: Light candles. Put on a face mask, and tune everything else out. It just doesn’t matter right now.
The key to these dates is to narrate your own life like it’s an Oscar-winning biopic. It’s so fun ladies, get creative with this!
Yes, people might casually stare when you’re alone…why wouldn’t they? Look at you! Look at your confidence, look at how you put that ensemble together… *muah-chef’s kiss * your energy should be giving-QUEEN.
But let them stare. You’re giving main character energy while they’re still stuck in the group chat. You are literally showing that THIS is about you. YOU are all about you in this moment. You make the rules, you call the shots, you are on your own time.
And sure, you might feel awkward at first if you’re not used to it. But eventually, something beautiful happens: your laughter sounds louder, your joy feels fuller, and you realize you don’t need a plus 1 to feel complete. You will begin to look forward to this quality time with yourself.
Plus here’s a pro tip: If you’re anything like me, you can take your journal and use that to diminish any awkwardness because you have something you are actually focusing on…trust me this works.
Final Word from Your Inner Romantic…
Babygirl, you are not waiting to be chosen—you’re already chosen. By you.
So go on. Hold your own hand. Make your own reservations. Love yourself out loud.
Because dating yourself isn’t just self-care—it’s a love story you get to write, one solo adventure at a time.
If you take anything from me on this, take this…just do it for the plot.
Until Next Time,
Your Blog Queen
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